I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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