There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
