im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
