I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
