Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
my poor anus
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
