It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
