So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
We named our party play list daddy issues
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
