umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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