we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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