If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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