I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
