I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
