i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
