I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
