And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
