I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
