I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
