Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
