yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
