you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
