weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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