how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
