maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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