I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
