I'd wear matching sweaters with you
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
