omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
