alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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