Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
