Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I could fuck to npr.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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