watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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