2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
