screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
