she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
