we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
