I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
