I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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