I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
