Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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