There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
