i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
