There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
3pm strippers are depressing
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
