Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
