Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
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