my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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