I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
