All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
