Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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