Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
