Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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