I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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