Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
