mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
