I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just threw up on my dentist
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
