life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
